This month was clearly going way too well to me, because as I was traipsing around on cloud nine with the prospects of the State Fair, the Arctic Monkeys concert, my trip to Montreal, etc., something (read: someone) had to bring this happy delusion crashing down to Earth.

That someone is named Denise.

Okay, I realize that opening was melodramatic, but that does not change the fact that I am not pleased.  I’m not going to let this tarnish October’s awesomeness, but I am going to bitch about it to make myself feel better.

So, I think I’ve mentioned that I have a single room.  I didn’t try for a single room or anything, I just got seriously lucky and ended up with a single corner room (as far as I can tell the biggest room available on campus).  I have two suitemates, whom I adore, and it’s really nice just having three of us to a bathroom.

Today, I was walking home from the gym and my neighbor Ty, who was reading in the study lounge by our rooms, stopped me and told me that this girl Denise was having issues with her roommate and wanted to live with me.

Obviously, I’m not thrilled with the idea of sacrificing half my room, but I’m not completely opposed to the idea of having a roommate so I agree to talk to her.  He says he’ll text her and tell her she can come by later tonight.

I go into my room (with Jack, by the way), and my suitemate Laurie busts in and yells “WE HAVE A PROBLEM!” sounding very upset.  She proceeds to tell me that a girl she really dislikes, named Denise, is trying to move in with me and we can’t let this happen.  Considering Laurie is one of the sweetest, most innocent girls you will ever meet, I did not take this lightly.

Laurie continues, telling me that Denise is on CoGo (community government) with Laurie’s twin sister Tara and is apparently completely insufferable.  She’s very stubborn and strict on rules.

Immediately, I realize that not only is this a problem because of her personality, but if she’s as bad as Tara has told Laurie, there’s slim to no chance that she’d be okay with Mumble, my (totally illegal) hamster, meaning I’d have to move him in to Jack’s apartment.

So, I go to Ty, still in the lounge, and ask if he’s texted her yet.  He tells me no, so I inform him that she can’t room with me because she’s on CoGo and I have Mumble, so he shouldn’t bring her over.  He said he’d tell her that my suitemates didn’t want a fourth person there.

Thinking it was handled, imagine my surprise when around ten o’clock I heard a knock on my door and opened it to see a remorseful looking Ty alongside who I presumed (correctly) to be Denise.  Surprised, I glared at Ty, and Denise started to explain the situation, telling me that her roommate was a complete slob and that she absolutely could not live with her anymore.  She said that she was checking out her options to see if she might want to live with me.

Highly uncomfortable and reluctant, and yet not wanting to be a bitch, I told her that I really liked having a single room and didn’t really want a roommate, nothing personal.  However, she plowed on, standing there until I decided the best strategy was to invite her into my conveniently messy room.  I told them to hold on a second, darted inside to make sure Jack was hiding Mumble, and let them in.

She looked around and I straight up told her “as you can see, I’m pretty messy too.”  And she insists that she can deal with untidiness, just not things being actually dirty and gross.  Her roommate allegedly dropped a full coffee mug, spilling it and breaking it, and left it there for three days.  My issue here is: are you really that stubborn that you can leave something that bad for THREE DAYS because you’re not the one responsible for cleaning it up?  She shouldn’t have had to clean it, but if that had happened to me I wouldn’t have been able to stand leaving it there!

Denise tells me that there’s only one other girl in the community with a single room and she can’t leave the community since she’s on CoGo.  I have since discovered the former assertion to be a lie, which pisses me off even more.  Anyway, so the other girl with the single is a senior who really doesn’t want a roommate either who lives in the other dorm (there are two in this community).

Denise also explains to me that, since she and her roommate can’t agree on who gets to stay in the room, they both have to move out, meaning this senior and I are getting them as roommates, like it or not.  I asked her what would happen to their room, and she informed me that it would be vacant. VACANT.

So, deciding this girl is a bitch (which she really was being, even if I’m not conveying that well here.  She acted very entitled to my room, basically told me it sucks for me if I wanted to keep my room to myself, and, to make matters worse, she didn’t even bother to introduce herself to me when she came to inform me that she might be moving in. Rude.), I decided to be more upfront with her.  However, my “more upfront” is still rather tactful, as I really don’t have it in me to be completely mean unless the other person is just being completely offensive and it’s uncalled for.  Usually still not then.

I asked her why she and her roommate didn’t flip a coin or play rock, paper, scissors to keep the room, as there’s no sense in them both moving out, leaving a vacant room and inconveniencing two other people when it really only needs to be one.  Especially since it’s the two of them with the problem, not me or the other girl with the single room.

She looked at me like I was crazy, probably because stubbornness hates hearing sense (I will admit that I know this from experience), and says that her roommate wouldn’t consent to do that.  So I tell her, “you’re going to have to move out of your room either way, then, right?  Either you both move out, or you just give in and let her have the room.  You don’t get to stay regardless, and what do you accomplish by leaving that room empty and making your roommate move out as well?  I had roommate issues last year.  It got to the point where I didn’t like going back to my room, and this year, even though my suite was supposed to all stay together, I left.  I didn’t like doing it – my suitemates were two of my best friends last year, and I hated leaving them, but I cut my losses and did what I had to do.  Sometimes you just have to do it.”

Again she looks at me like I’m crazy.  Like letting anyone win any little victory over you, even if it really doesn’t affect you, as in her case where she’s moving out either way (unless her roommate agrees to flip for it), is completely dishonorable or something.

So, basically, it’s already obvious we’re not going to get along and she’s still insisting that either she or her roommate WILL be moving in with me within the next week or two.  I’m setting up a meeting with my suitemates and the person in charge of all this, because it’s not just me.  I won’t have to deal with this girl next semester – I’ll be in the UK.  My suitemates, however, will.  And Denise has already been inexplicably rude to Laurie, and Laurie really does not want her here.

Our theory is that she’s lying about having to come here because she knows she’ll have this huge room to herself next semester.  She told Ty when they left that she liked me better than the other girl.  Which doesn’t make sense, because I really wasn’t nice to her.   I mean, on purpose.  She’d stop talking and so I would turn around and start watching TV to make her feel uncomfortable.   Evidently it didn’t work.  Either that or the other girl is better at being a bitch than I am.


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