What I Would Say to My Ex

I’M SO CLOSE TO BEING DONE WITH THIS WEEK.  Thank God.  I ended up getting to bed at three due to a combination of procrastination and an inability to think out of sheer exhaustion.  Eight o’clock it was time to get up again, and I went to class to turn in my paper.  Next class was my reading quiz, so with those two things out of the way I feel significantly better (although still like a zombie).

Now I’m at the dining hall eating by myself like all the cool kids do.  I generally just come to lunch by myself and see if I run into anybody.  Usually on Mondays and Wednesdays I end up eating with a bunch of ROTC guys because of Moe and my other friend who we’ll call Sam.  I kind of like eating by myself sometimes though.  It’s nice to just eat in peace and relax.

After this I have to do Spanish and then go to two more classes.

I think I deserve a break though 🙂

So, Thirty Day Challenge: Day 5
Things you want to say to an ex.

Okay.  Well…here goes:

I know you think that because I couldn’t stay with you that I never loved you, but that’s not true.  You’re the first guy I ever loved, but whether or not you believe that is up to you.  I know that you were the only guy until Jack that I loved, because when I look back on our relationship, it’s surreal and almost other-worldly.  All my other past relationships just seem like distant, sometimes silly memories.

I miss your family, and it hurts me to think that they probably hate me now.  Thinking about what we could have had makes me a little wistful.  But I have no regrets.  I don’t regret dating you, I don’t regret loving you, and I don’t regret leaving you.  I learned a lot about myself during my time with you and it was one of the most emotional periods of my life.  Even if I broke up with you, it was out of necessity and I was completely heartbroken.  Maybe that doesn’t make sense to you, but it doesn’t change it.

You reminded me yesterday why it never would have worked out even if you hadn’t gone to boot camp and joined the marines.  You’re engaged now.  I don’t want to believe you’d be that stupid – but I know that when you fall, you fall hard.  I know you can’t stand being alone, so I see why you made that decision so early, and I hope you end up happy with your decisions even if I don’t think you’re being smart.  Also, I hope she’s not pregnant or something, because if you think you can afford that you’re sadly mistaken.  But you’ve been dating her for less than a year…the fact that you could possibly think you could spend the rest of your life with someone you’ve barely had any time with, especially since it’s long distance the whole time, is ridiculous.

Relationships that start off being long distance don’t work.  Your entire relationship is based off of the excitement of reunion, and you know absence makes the heart grow fonder.  You don’t know that once you are actually living together – going grocery shopping and seeing each other at your worst – that you won’t get bored with them or just be completely disillusioned.  That’s what just happened to Gracie’s relationship.

….

Okay, so that was serious business.  I started thinking about this yesterday when I read the prompt and just realized a lot of these things.  Another thing I realized: I’m not bitter anymore.  The fact that it still makes me sad just means that it’s shaped me as a person and played a big part in my life, not that I still feel anything for him.  It’s hard to believe that I was dating him this time last year.

Anyway, I will make sure my next post is much lighter than this. 🙂  Happy picture:Kelly’s kitten!

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