I’M SO CLOSE TO BEING DONE WITH THIS WEEK. Thank God. I ended up getting to bed at three due to a combination of procrastination and an inability to think out of sheer exhaustion. Eight o’clock it was time to get up again, and I went to class to turn in my paper. Next class was my reading quiz, so with those two things out of the way I feel significantly better (although still like a zombie).
Now I’m at the dining hall eating by myself like all the cool kids do. I generally just come to lunch by myself and see if I run into anybody. Usually on Mondays and Wednesdays I end up eating with a bunch of ROTC guys because of Moe and my other friend who we’ll call Sam. I kind of like eating by myself sometimes though. It’s nice to just eat in peace and relax.
After this I have to do Spanish and then go to two more classes.
I think I deserve a break though 🙂
So, Thirty Day Challenge: Day 5
Things you want to say to an ex.
Okay. Well…here goes:
I know you think that because I couldn’t stay with you that I never loved you, but that’s not true. You’re the first guy I ever loved, but whether or not you believe that is up to you. I know that you were the only guy until Jack that I loved, because when I look back on our relationship, it’s surreal and almost other-worldly. All my other past relationships just seem like distant, sometimes silly memories.
I miss your family, and it hurts me to think that they probably hate me now. Thinking about what we could have had makes me a little wistful. But I have no regrets. I don’t regret dating you, I don’t regret loving you, and I don’t regret leaving you. I learned a lot about myself during my time with you and it was one of the most emotional periods of my life. Even if I broke up with you, it was out of necessity and I was completely heartbroken. Maybe that doesn’t make sense to you, but it doesn’t change it.
You reminded me yesterday why it never would have worked out even if you hadn’t gone to boot camp and joined the marines. You’re engaged now. I don’t want to believe you’d be that stupid – but I know that when you fall, you fall hard. I know you can’t stand being alone, so I see why you made that decision so early, and I hope you end up happy with your decisions even if I don’t think you’re being smart. Also, I hope she’s not pregnant or something, because if you think you can afford that you’re sadly mistaken. But you’ve been dating her for less than a year…the fact that you could possibly think you could spend the rest of your life with someone you’ve barely had any time with, especially since it’s long distance the whole time, is ridiculous.
Relationships that start off being long distance don’t work. Your entire relationship is based off of the excitement of reunion, and you know absence makes the heart grow fonder. You don’t know that once you are actually living together – going grocery shopping and seeing each other at your worst – that you won’t get bored with them or just be completely disillusioned. That’s what just happened to Gracie’s relationship.
Okay, so that was serious business. I started thinking about this yesterday when I read the prompt and just realized a lot of these things. Another thing I realized: I’m not bitter anymore. The fact that it still makes me sad just means that it’s shaped me as a person and played a big part in my life, not that I still feel anything for him. It’s hard to believe that I was dating him this time last year.
Daily Challenge: Day Four! Bullet your whole day. Not so excited about this one, but whatever. I feel like if I’m gonna do a thirty day challenge I should do it right.
- Wake up at 4:30 am freaking out for apparent reason (yay phobias)
- Practically run to turn on lights
- Go back to sleep with lights on feeling safer
- Wake up at 8:30
- Snooze for ten minutes
- Get ready for school
- Go to the library to meet friend (who I’m renaming) Andie
- Go with Andie to English
- Lunch with friend (renaming) Neal at dining hall
- Study for Anthro midterm in Carnia
- Boyfriend visits me in Carnia
- Go to student stores to get bluebooks for exam
- Go take exam
- Listen to Pit Preacher on the way home from exam
- Boyfriend finds me at pit preacher and comes home
- Rest for twenty minutes
- Boyfriend leaves
- Try to work, get on blog instead
- Work (my job, not homework)
- Come home
- Procrastinate. A lot.
- Write paper
- SLEEP (I hope)
So, at my school we have this old guy named Gary we’ve dubbed “the pit preacher” who likes to come and yell at students that they’re going to Hell and to not have sex as they walk to class. He’s called the pit preacher because he used to sit in the pit (basically the center of campus) while harassing students, but the school decided that wasn’t cool so now he sits in the quad and harasses students.
It’s actually pretty entertaining, once you realize how ridiculous he is. After a midterm today, I decided to stop by and hear what he had to say. There’s usually a pretty large group of students gathered around him, goading him. One thing the pit preacher hates more than anything is gay people. Now, let me clarify before going into this that I am 100% for gay rights. I think the fact that they aren’t granted such basic things as marriage where I live is deplorable, and I hope that my children will learn about the struggle for gay rights the way we learn about the struggle for women’s rights.
That said, the things that he said are absolutely hilarious in their outlandishness. For instance, did you know that Obama spent $14 trillion on “the homos”? Me neither! And Gary was quick to clarify, “NOT the blacks, the blacks don’t get this money, the HOMOS!” Uhh…okay, Gary. Also, he told us today that masturbation leads to homosexuality. So that’s how that works….it’s not like you’re born like that or anything. I was under the impression that male masturbation led to decreased levels of prostate cancer, but you’re right, Gary.
Other lessons from the pit preacher:
1. Marijuana makes you want to have sex, but once you try you can’t get it up
2. Everyone believes in God. Some people just think their penises are God.
3. If you voted for Obama, you will die.
(I find it interesting that he said “you will die” rather than “you will go to Hell” but whatever)
4. The party in Hell is cancelled – there’s a fire!
5. If you rap, you will go to Hell. And you can’t rap in Hell. (Damn.)
6. Women belong in the kitchen. They shouldn’t be in our government.
7. Gay guys can’t have foreplay. The only foreplay that exists is on a woman “to make her sweat”
8. Gary knows how to have sex. He doesn’t right now, because he’s not currently married (Gee, I wonder why?), but he knows how to do it.
There’s something really uncomfortable, by the way, about a 60ish-year-old man yelling at a mostly 19 and 20 year old crowd that he knows how to have sex.
And all that I learned today! In the past, I’ve learned other valuable lessons from Gary, such as: Michele Obama is immoral because she doesn’t wear enough dresses and because she tells people how to eat. Also, all athletes just want to have sex and do drugs and are going straight to Hell.
That…was so strange.
So, I’m sitting in Carnia, minding my own business when I see a group of children. That’s a little odd, since you don’t see that many children on campus, but groups come here on field trips occasionally. Then I realized they were all wearing purple shirts…oddly familiar purple shirts. I’m looking at these kids and…holy shit, is that Grant??! Why yes, yes it was Grant. It was a group of kids from the camp I worked at this summer, fieldtripping to my school. I look up and yep, there’s my boss. And there are two of my co-counselors from the summer and a guy I worked in the child-care center with.
And I’m wearing an unusually immodest (for me) dress that gives me cleavage and SHIT. I mean, it comes down basically to my knees but just the fact that there’s perceptible cleavage isn’t awesome but whatever. I go over and am like “OH MY GOD” and they’re like “OH HI!” and it was super crazy.
ANYWAY, Thirty Day Challenge Day Three!
A Book I Love
So, so, so many. Anything by Orson Scott Card. I love him. Absolutely love. He’s from North Carolina, which is awesome, and he’s absolutely brilliant. His books provoke me to think like none other. The book pretty much everyone would know by him is Ender’s Game. What they may not know is that Ender’s Game is part of a series of ten (I think…he keeps coming out with more). Ender’s Game is fantastic. I’ve read it four or five times and it never gets old. But that’s not my favorite – I’d have to go with Ender’s Shadow. This is a less conventional choice – most people who’ve read both prefer the former, but there’s something about taking a story and developing a character you barely noticed in the first book.
So, basically, if you don’t know, Ender’s Game is about a kid named Ender (duh) who’s training to destroy the buggers (aliens) in space-war (this is really not as lame as it sounds when I describe it. It goes for any book though – it’s impossible to describe a book and make it seem as good as it actually is). At the point when Ender finally gets his own squad in Battle School, it’s full of launchies (new arrivals) and he feels like the school is working against him. Among those launchies is this really tiny kid named Bean. He’s mentioned again later in the book and it’s clear that he’s crazy intelligent and gutsy and whatnot but you still know nothing about him.
Then Ender’s Shadow came out, and it’s all about Bean. You learn that this character was an orphan on the streets of Rotterdam, barely surviving. That he taught himself to read off of street signs. That when he got to school he excelled through the classes faster than anyone else ever had and was basically a super-genius. You learn how instrumental he was to much of the happenings in Ender’s Game, and you see Ender from someone else’s point of view. It’s fascinating to me, although the fact that it’s less action-packed seems to deter much of the audience Ender’s Game draws in.
The funny this about this is that I would not consider myself a fan of sci-fi, although this clearly falls under that category. It just so happens that my favorite author writes sci-fi, and I love his work. I don’t read any other sci-fi – most of the other books I read are historical fiction. He just makes his stories so accessible that it doesn’t seem strange.
Another book by him I absolutely love is Enchantment. It’s kinda a morph of fantasy and historical ficiton; its basic premise is basically Sleeping Beauty. You learn about Russia in antiquity, about Russia’s folklore, myths, etc., and the protagonist, Ivan, awakes Sleeping Beauty in modern day and ends up going back to her time with her. Very good book.
I mentioned before that I met Orson Scott Card once…he came to a comic strip store near campus, and I found out the day of. I could barely believe it was real at first…I freaked out. I almost cried, and then I waited in line two hours to get his autograph, and, although I planned to tell him that he was the first author to explain time travel in a way that made sense to me (in his book Pathfinder), I ended up instead blabbing that he was my favorite author and I’ve read fifteen of his books. Smooth.
Anyway, I got his PERSONALIZED AUTOGRAPH Although for the sake of maintaining my privacy online I scratched out my real name and replaced it with my pseudo-name. But yes, isn’t it lovely? That’s Orson Scott Card’s actual signature. And I will cherish it forever.
Other books I love (by author): Phillipa Gregory (The Constant Princess, The Other Boleyn Girl, The Boleyn Inheritance), Carlos Ruiz Zafon (Shadow of the Wind), (Emily Bronte) Wuthering Heights, HARRY POTTER…so many. Also, John Green is brilliant. I’m really excited for his new book, coming out in January!